Thoughts from the Previews: June 5, 2014

The Fault in Our Stars (Josh Boone, USA 2014)

  • I’ve seen this trailer several times now, and the movie just looks like a total mess. It looks like it’s telling a seven-act story with no overarching point. It really bears the marks of a film being run by the novelist or people who don’t have the courage of conviction to be adapting the novel, which is a shame, because the novel certainly gets plenty of praise. (Sorry if it stinks, H.)
  • Credit to the hair and makeup folks for the job they did on Shailene Woodley–she still looks pretty, but decidedly un-sexy, and with her, that takes some work.
  • I swear this trailer is 15 minutes long.

Hercules (Brett Ratner, USA 2014)

  • I still think this looks like a serious contender for worst movie of all time.
  • This version of the trailer starts off with Dwayne Johnson pretentiously explaining the “importance” of the story of Hercules. And he’s being totally serious. He really is trying to win an Oscar.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (Matt Reeves, USA 2014)

  • I had seen a shorter, more effective trailer before. This one just makes the movie look like an overlong, over-serious set of action set-pieces with half the cast dressed as apes.
  • I looked this up–this is actually the eighth Planet of the Apes film. Scary, isn’t it?

Deliver Us from Evil (Scott Derrickson, USA 2014)

  • Just what we needed–another exorcism movie. I want to throw up just from the fact that another one of these is being made.
  • And again, it starts with a claim that it is a true story. Humanity has no hope.
  • Even in the trailer, Eric Bana’s accent kept slipping.

Get on Up (Tate Taylor, USA 2014)

  • If this were being released in December, I would say Chadwick Boseman is guaranteed to win the Best Actor Oscar. Is it coming out earlier because there is some reason that they think it’s got a chance as a summer movie or because Boseman’s performance isn’t good enough? I’m hoping it’s the former, because Boseman has been impressive in his career so far.
  • Tate Taylor has a reputation as a director who gets Academy Award consideration for his actors (though I don’t know that it takes much work to get that from Jessica Chastain). His presence is yet another sign that this film exists only to get Boseman an award.

Guardians of the Galaxy (James Gunn, USA 2014)

  • Different trailer this time–it includes “Spirit in the Sky,” which is a truly awesome song. Yeah, I sound old when I talk about music.
  • I’m pretty sure Karen Gillan was on screen this time, so I’m going to go ahead and mention it, because, well, Karen Gillan. If you’ve been reading this blog and don’t know that I’m sort of obsessed with Karen Gillan, you may have some issues with reading comprehension.

Magic in the Moonlight (Woody Allen, USA 2014)

  • There was no trailer for this, but why have I still not seen one? There is one out, and it can be seen on the IMDb, but I haven’t seen it in the theaters. I’m afraid that’s a bad sign. If I end up having to wait for DVD on two consecutive Woody Allen films, I’m moving.
  • Recently, Allen has been at his best in non-comedies, so I’m a bit trepidatious for this one. However, he also hasn’t made a truly poor film for five years, so I’m not outright worried.

Thoughts on the Previews: April 26, 2014

The Draft Day (Ivan Reitman, USA 2014) review will go up sometime tonight/tomorrow morning and Orphan Black will hopefully be up mid-day sometime tomorrow. Since the last “Thoughts on the Previews” post was surprisingly popular, I thought I should write one again.

Commercials

  • The “trivia” is way, way, way too easy in movie theaters, because it’s really just advertising for recent releases.
  • Same M & M commercial as last time . . . still rather funny.
  • The Coca-Cola commercials are horrendous. Who cares about the stupid Coca-Cola Polar Bears? I didn’t even know they were still around or were a national campaign–I thought they were a Colorado thing because of the polar bears at the Denver Zoo!

Million Dollar Arm (Craig Gillespie, USA 2014)

  • I can’t be the only one who felt like this movie made perfect sense as soon as it said it was by Disney–it’s the sort of treacly schlock only Disney trades in.
  • Jon Hamm is one of the more overrated actors in the world (Seriously, Don Draper is not a difficult role.), but that seems like a part tailor-made for him.
  • Is Alan Arkin in every movie now? And always playing the exact same role?
  • Is it supposed to be impressive that someone threw 87 mph? I don’t know how hot the radar guns I’ve thrown in front of before are, but I could get into the mid-80s, and I’m about the most unathletic person on the planet.

A Million Ways to Die in the West (Seth MacFarlane, USA 2014)

  • Seth MacFarlane makes nothing but crap. I was so excited about Cosmos and I love Neil DeGrasse Tyson but it’s nothing but a dumbed-down showcase for MacFarlane’s animation skills. I know he’s the rare celebrity skeptic, but I still wish he would go away.
  • Nothing looked at all amusing about this film.

Hercules (Brett Ratner, USA 2014)

  • This looks like the worst movie ever made. It’s all CGI. And it’s not even good CGI. Ratner doesn’t have a good track record. (It’s not good when your best film is Red Dragon [USA/Germany 2002].) Dwayne Johnson doesn’t have a good track record and he seems to be attempting to set some sort of record for overacting in the trailer. The story of Hercules is really long for a movie. Wow. We may all lose a standard deviation of IQ from being alive while this is released.

Get On Up (Tate Taylor, USA 2014)

  • Apparently Chadwick Boseman got the memo that playing a musician is one of the best paths to winning an Oscar if you just do a decent job. Just ask Jamie Foxx. Playing an athlete does not have the same success rate, even when you do a phenomenal job. Just ask Anthony Perkins.
  • Is Chadwick Boseman also in every movie? He and Alan Arkin should start a club.
  • It must be acknowledged: Chadwick Boseman is a unique and cool name that is fun to say or type.

Godzilla (Gareth Edwards, USA/Japan 2014)

  • A very different trailer than I saw before, and much more effective.
  • It’s still stupid to set Godzilla in the US–it shows a complete lack of understanding of the symbolism.
  • Elizabeth Olsen was a revelation in the utterly brilliant Martha Marcy May Marlene (Sean Durkin, USA 2011). Now she’s doing Godzilla and Captain America. *Sigh* I remember when she was a real actor . . .