In 2000, Jim Steinman planned a project called Bat out of Nashville that would be getting a bunch of artists to record country versions of Bat out of Hell songs. I was horrified. It never came to fruition.

But there was at least some logic to the concept. I probably would not have understood it at the time, but there are definite country influences to Steinman’s songs, especially “Two out of Three Ain’t Bad,” which Todd Rundgren compared to the Eagles in the Classic Albums episode. He likes country elements of storytelling and character building that pop and rock music eschew. He messes around with song structure often, and many of the structures he ends up with are actually structures from before the verse-chorus-verse-chorus format became the dominant form, structures that remained relatively common for a long time in country music. The emotive playing around the notes that he wants from his singers and arguable over-use of vibrato are country ideas. I still don’t want to hear Bat out of Nashville, but I feel like it would have at least made sense.

But if there is one genre that feels as opposite as possible to “Two out of Three Ain’t Bad,” it’s electronic dance. And yet, somehow, Bonnie Tyler tries an eight-minute electronic dance version of the song. And Steinman and Rinkoff even produced it!

I can hardly even say anything about this–it’s horrendous. I hate dance music and that’s all this is. The melody is also too slow for the arrangement and even the little bit that Tyler rushes through it is enough that it’s a noticeable downgrade from the melody in the original recording. There’s also lots of instrumental time that just continues to sound exactly the same as the rest, which is why I hate dance music anyway.

I can’t really give this one a fair shot, because I hate the very concept of it. But I don’t know why on earth you would use “Two out of Three Ain’t Bad” to do this. Maybe (hopefully) a dance music fan would feel differently, but I just have zero positive to say about this mess and can’t tell you much about why–it sounds like generic synthesized keyboard-drum nonsense that never changes and never stops.

Thankfully, this isn’t quite the last note of Tyler and Steinman together, as I just recently discovered. But it’s definitely the worst one.